Do you consider yourself to be a very resourceful, creative, intelligent and proactive person? Someone with a near super-human ability to evaluate a situation and come up with the most efficient and prudent solution possible?
You might also be thinking that:
1. “It’s a gift to share my amazing suggestions with my husband/wife (and everyone else in my life) whenever and wherever I think of them?”
2. If he/she doesn’t apply my suggestions it’s because they’re being stubborn or they’re probably just not as smart as me?”
Well, I used to think this way too – until I found myself on a plane crossing the Atlantic Ocean with Seth Rogen and Barbra Streisand playing out my life on a mini TV screen in front of my face and realized that even the greatest gifts (when imposed on others) can actually do more harm than good.
If you haven’t seen the movie “Guilt Trip”, it shows the relationship between an over-protective and over-bearing mother (Barbra Streisand) who cannot contain herself around her son and smothers him with an overwhelming array of suggestions, warnings and tips on how he should approach everything in his life.
I sat and watched in horror as I was slapped with the realization that I had, in fact, become Barb’s character – except instead of trying to run my child’s life I was trying to run my husband’s! There was no action for which I didn’t have an idea or improvement to share. Talk about annoying!
I was like a Suggestion Monster – rapid fire like in the movie.
And then I thought, I am definitely not the only one out here who needs a wake up call. I mean, I did in fact learn this behavior from my own personal suggestion monsters (my mom and dad).
So, I decided to share my personal wake-up call as well as the mindset shifts that helped me and may help you to make some changes in how we use our “gifts”. So without further ado here are my:
Five Big Tips for
Taming the Suggestion Monster in You
Tip 1: You are not being selfish – drop the guilt and give them a choice:
This was a big one for me – I realized that what was keeping me from stopping this behavior was GUILT. If I didn’t share what I thought was a better, safer way then I was being selfish – whoa! What? Yes, I would actually feel guilty for not sharing – because my suggestions were all coming from a place of love!
So, I decided to make it about choice – his.
Here’s How:
1. If you have a suggestion, ask the person if they would like to hear it.
If they say no, honor it. They need to know that you respect their wishes and their choices.
2. Let your loved ones know that if they ever would like any suggestions, ideas, or advice from you, that you would be happy to share it.
Tip 2: Let others learn some lessons on their own.
If you are constantly trying to save your loved ones from all of your perceived dangers, you may be doing more harm than good – by robbing them of the experience of learning valuable life lessons on their own.
Pick your battles with this one. There are high-risk actions and activities that call for some level of intervention and then there is being over-protective and over-bearing.
Here’s How:
1. Share your concerns but let them make up their own minds. You can’t force people to do as you wish. You can only share your wishes and respect their decisions.
2. Remember all of the lessons you decided to learn the hard way – despite the warnings of others.
Tip 3: Your way is one way, not the only way.
As much as you may think that it is, it’s not. “Your way” is actually just a culmination of what you were taught and what you have experienced along your journey. It’s based on your values and perception of what is right and wrong. And your experiences are unique to you. There will be people in your life that share similar experiences and values and others who won’t. It doesn’t make them “wrong” it makes them “different” than you.
Here’s How:
1. Stop seeing other people’s ways of doing things as right or wrong. See them as different than yours and respect them, as you would like them to respect you.
2. When you find yourself getting wound up about “their way” vs. “your way”, stop and ask yourself, what positive thing can I learn from their way of doing things. There is always a lesson to learn.
Tip 4: (For the “Monsters” & “Victims”) Communicate!
Speak up about how you feel and what you need. Communication is key in every relationship.
Here’s How:
1. Point out the moment of conflict as it’s happening. Waiting and keeping quiet only builds resentment and distance.
2. Work together to understand what you both need and how to move forward in an understanding, respectful and loving way.
Tip 5: Release what doesn’t serve you
In some situations the disconnect, distance, and differences in values and life goals are beyond repair. It’s important to recognize when it’s time to release a relationship that doesn’t serve either of you in order to make room for one that does.
Here’s wishing love, peace and happiness to all!
Post your comments or questions below and share this post with any suggestion monsters you might know.
Thank you!
